IT IS (was) HALLOWE’EN (2 days ago)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I said I was going to put a post up on Hallowe’en, but I’ve been megs busy. I spent Wednesday letting a hairdresser massacre my hair and then crying in my room with a hat on. It’s weird because I distinctly remember asking for my fringe NOT to look like Mila Jovovich’s in The Fifth Element, but here I am, over-exposed eyebrows and all….

Then Thursday was spent trying to write cover letters for job applications, which mainly involved me staring at an empty word document for about ten minutes, and then swivelling round in my swivelly chair to watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians for two hours. I hate writing cover letters. Why can’t you just say “I want this job because I need one,” or “This job pays well and I need a new car because I spilt milk in the back of mine and I can’t handle the deep-seated smell anymore”?

Anyway, this was repeated all day until I got changed out of my pyjamas at half eight to go watch Skyfall. It was very good. Très très bon. I won’t give anything away, but I will say a few things:

  1. I CAN’T BELIEVE DANIEL CRAIG DIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
  2. I think – apart from being an evil genius – me and Javier Bardem’s character could potentially be very good friends
  3. The underwater bit would have been much better if the Loch Ness Monster had come along and eaten them both. No one would have seen that one coming.

 

This week I’ve been struggling to find a good costume for my sister’s Hallowe’en party this Saturday. My first idea was this…

… because I already have the perfect head size. But I think most people wouldn’t understand it, and I’d end up taking a beating from some slutty cheerleaders. My next idea was this:

GRIMACE. Eater of children. Or burgers…. Whatever. But Grimace is too costly, and I feel a lot of people would think it was funny to push me around on the dance floor, or try to use me as a mop to wipe up their spilt drinks. I know this because I would find this funny if it wasn’t me.

I just can’t bring myself to dress like a slut on Hallowe’en. I was looking on some fancy dress websites for something to wear, and I know that in general women’s outfits are more revealing than men’s, but I’m not sure the outfit on the right can really pass as a body bag:

Well well well. This is definitely taking Hallowe’en to new realms of sluttiness. I think that’s the toe tag around her neck…

So whilst I took another well deserved break from actual work, I started to look for some other totally absurd sexy women’s outfits. Here’s what I found:

Sexy Cowgirl

This is just f-ing weird. That doesn’t even look sexy, just very strange. Whose hands are those?!

Sexy Unicorn

YOU CAN’T BE A SEXY UNICORN.

Sexy… Angry Poo?

Dressing up as a livid shit is never going to bring the boys to the yard.

Sexy…Urgh….I don’t know….

WHAT IS THIS

I don’t understand

Seriously? THESE ARE IN NO WAY THE SAME. What the fuck, guys.

 

I’ve thought of some good outfits for animals though. Here are just a few from a long list I made:

Cats

–          Tigers and lions – they are like what zombies are to humans: scarier versions of themselves.

–          Black cats can go as Binx from Hocus Pocus

–          This cat can obviously go as Hitler:

 

 

Dogs

–          A dog dressed as a wolf dressed as a granny

–          Chihuahuas have a strange resemblance to Brain (as in Pinky and the…) so they’re pretty much sorted

–          Any dog from the “Dogs Playing Poker” series

 

Now that I’ve had time to think about an outfit, I’ve decided to go as someone notoriously scary, and well known by everyone who ever lived.

I’m going as the crazy bald presenter from The Crystal Maze:

 

 

*I’m only joking. Or am I….?

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