Being unemployed has made me so lazy. I was pretty lazy when I was at university, but then I always had my friends around me. So spending the day in my pyjamas, deep in the second Harry Potter marathon of that week didn’t seem so bad when others were doing it too.
I now have no motivation to do anything. I blame Bauer Media; if they stopped making me do cover letters for their job applications I wouldn’t be procrastinating half as much. And it’s not like at uni where at some point you have to do the work (I usually spent three weeks drinking my own weight in cider and watching back-to-back episodes of The OC, then I’d do the essay the night before it was due in, crying and feeling sorry for myself and listening to Jungle music to keep me awake). This is wholly my decision, and sometimes my decision is that it’ll be worth playing The Sims for the whole day rather than explaining why I deserve a job there. I’ll just get a job in Pizza Hut and live my career fantasies through Sim Pascale…
If any of the following has happened to you, you have reached the peak of laziness, and I believe we could potentially be best friends:
- You can’t be bothered to put on a film
- You can’t find the remote so you continue to watch the shopping channel until someone else finds it for you
- You can’t be bothered to go get a McDonalds
- When someone else has got you the McDonalds, you can’t be bothered to blow on it and are happy to burn your mouth on hot burger
Not all of these have happened to me, but that’s only because I can’t persuade anyone to walk to McDonalds for me.
Today whilst I procrastinated, I got a bit addicted to watching Taylor Swift music videos. I think all older men can learn from her music. The moral of the story is this: never go out with someone who is young enough to think that wearing coloured hairbands and silver hair grips is still okay. Because if you break up with them, these girls have no qualms in telling anyone that will listen what an arsehole you are. And if you go out with Taylor Swift, she’s going to tell seventy million people who want to listen. Thanks for ruining Jake Gyllenhaal for everyone, Taylor.
N.B. – I just want to issue a quick apology to all the Harry Styles fans now stumbling across my blog after typing the words “Taylor Swift ruins everything” into their search engines. I’m sorry, I bet you’re all pretty disappointed this isn’t about wanting Taylor Swift to die a slow and painful death because she stole your boy.