A Dapper Update

ITV2 cancelled Dapper Laughs on the Pull around a week ago, and I know I’m a bit late to the party but I just had to write about it. Because how could I not?

According to Daniel O’Reilly, his now infamous character is DEAD. Did he drown in clunge? He fackin’ wishes!

Yes, Dapper is done. He is no more. Gone – POOF – just like that, leaving behind nothing but a long coil of condoms and the distant sting of Pacco Rabanne in the nostrils. And who should rise from the ashes but a wistful, self-pitying O’Reilly, obviously in mourning if the weird black ensemble he put together for his interview on Newsnight is anything to go by:

Dressed like an Beatnik, O’Reilly spoke with Emily Maitlis about how Dapper Laughs is not in fact an extension of himself like we all thought, but totally and completely made up, and we must be stoopid or summink for believing him. He basically says “This here, me, I’m the real Daniel O’Reilly. I’m real. Back then, with Dapper Laughs, that was all acting. Aaaall acting. That casual misogyny and crude humour? Disgusts me. Disgusting. Bleurgh, sexism. But I had you all convinced, didn’t I! Ha!”

Sat there in his turtleneck and looking like he’s about to procure a large Rioja and cheeseboard from underneath his chair, I was very surprised that the old “Social Experiment” excuse didn’t come tumbling out of his mouth. Because who hasn’t used that as a get-out-of jail-free card (literally) recently? But instead he drops the bombshell that he was acting all along. Whuuuut!

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Take notes, Daniel Day-Lewis, because this is how you really, really go method. O’Reilly was acting hard. He acted so hard that no one could tell the difference between him and his character. So very hard, in fact, that for a while he obviously couldn’t tell either.

And my God, he has suffered for his art. Y’see, when he made jokes that reduces women to “fannies” and “tits” what we didn’t see was O’Reilly at home later that evening, staring out of his rainy window into the darkness, deep in the throes of an existential crisis. And when he said that a female audience member was “gagging for a rape” at one of his gigs, the only thing that was proper moist that night was his pillow as he cried himself to sleep.

But let’s take a moment to appreciate the real star of this interview: Emily Maitlis. Because she is both a pro and a goddess. Maitlis schooled O’Reilly good. She made him look like a right plonker! Watching him squirm as she read his own embarrassing words back to him was a beautiful thing to watch. My favourite part was when Dapper – oop, I mean Daniel – said that this whole saga had ruined his life, and she asked: “So you’re feeling like a bit of a victim now, are you?” WITHOUT LAUGHING. Her poker face is so strong and beautiful and majestic. Oh Maitlis, you sassy dream, you.

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But hey, acting or not, we’re safe in the knowledge that Dapper Laughs is no more. Women are free to walk the streets once again without having “she knows” shouted in their face for no apparent reason. We have shown that we will not stand for being the punchline of a joke that we alone are excluded from. Thanks guys and girls, I’m proud of us. Dapper’s fifteen minutes of fame is finally over. Probably should’ve just stuck to the six seconds, ey.

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